Glass Jokes! Enter by 4:20 pm Sunday!

[PyroChixRock]

One of my favorite games - Glass Jokes!!

This game started during our live birthday event! (http://www.talkglass.com/forum/showthread.php?57400-TMP-s-Live-14th-Birthday-party!!!)

Tell us a joke about glass, glass blowers or glassblowing! You may enter this game as many times as you'd like, but please only one entry per post! The staff will vote on the best jokes and chose tomorrow night so there's a bit of time to come up with a good joke! :D

This game is so hard to pick only one winner for, so there will be four! Winners will receive a $25 gift certificate to Mountain Glass Arts! (http://www.mountainglass.com/) Thank you, MGA!! (http://www.talkglass.com/forum/member.php?6643-MountainGlassArts)

To find out more about MGA, check out their "about us" (http://www.mountainglass.com/All-About-MGA.html) page on their site. :D www.MountainGlass.com was founded in 2002 and has briging us excellent customer service since day one. They offer same day shipping, reusable packaging with no mess, and they plant a tree for every order over $100! MGA also supports a variety of green programs, uses recycled packaging products, and consciously recycles everything they can in their building. Way to go, MGA! :D

68723


Thank you again, MGA! You ROCK!! :blowkiss:

Winner will be announced tomorrow night! Keep the jokes coming until then. :D

[PyroChixRock]

:D


Glass joke.
What do you say to a Glass Guy in a suit?
Would the defendant please rise...


What is the difference between a rock star and a glass blower? Rock stars don't think they are glass blowers.


why do glassblowers hate payday?

because they hate getting a check!

checked pieces, get it? you guys get it


glass joke.
What do you call a glassblower who looses his girlfriend?

Homeless


What is a ghosts favorite style of glass piece. .... a booooooobler ,that's all I got I'm drunk <3 tmp


Why did was the glassblower emabarassed at his live demo?

He sharded.


idk if this will count with the picture but

what does the scientific glassblower have nightmares about?

68621


How many glass blowers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

18.

One to screw in the light bulb.
Four to tell them they to use a GTT light bulb
One to tell them to STFU herbert arnold makes way better light bulbs
Three to tell them it's not the brand of light bulb but the voltage on the line.
Three to start secret facebook groups about how to screw in light bulbs
Six to get offended that they're not invited to those groups and start their own groups....


what does the intelligent frit say to the clear glass... i'm tinking


Anyone know how to make cheap Crack pipes?


1,000,000 marble in my hometown made by an amazing and attractive artist.

68677

http://sacramento.craigslist.org/art/4763581579.html

[wahoo]

Why did the pipemaker cross his shop?...,to get to the other slide!

[wahoo]

Guy walks into his doctors office dressed in glass. The doctor says "I can clearly see your nuts".

[Nicholas Rado]

what do you call a glassblower whose raging on a CC?

whatever you want he can't hear you

[Jason Lindquist]

What's the difference between a glass blower and a large pizza?

A large pizza can feed a family of four.

[DaveK]

I thought this was hysterical "first off . . . the pizza joke, that's my joke. Me. Yeah that's right. 1998 bitches.

(idiots trying to claim things as their own inventions +1 )"

[Borobot]

Rado, that is a good one. I like the pizza one too!

[art vandelay]

I thought this was hysterical "first off . . . the pizza joke, that's my joke. Me. Yeah that's right. 1998 bitches.

(idiots trying to claim things as their own inventions +1 )"

yup ive seen that joke in another thread here.

[art vandelay]

68736
68737

[Jimi The Don]

I girl says to her glass blowing boyfriend:

"What did you get me for my birthday?"

He replies:

"I made you a pendant"

"What did you get me for Christmas?"

"I made you a ring"

"What did you get me for valentines day?"

"I made you a glass flower"

So she asks:

"How cum every time you have to give me something you just make me something out of glass?"

He replies:

Because I spend all my money on wide brimmed hats."

[PyroChixRock]

68736
68737

I entered your Craigslist ad into the joke contest because it made us all laugh. :)

[art vandelay]

68738
whats a glass blowers biggest fantasy? that the welding supply company will take his ebt card.
i saw a glass blower holding a penny and asked what are you doing? he said taking my life savings to the bank.
what do gtts and hemorrhoids have in common? sooner or later every a**hole gets one.
ignorance is bliss thats why glass workers are so happy.
why dont glass blowers like to recieve anal? they dont like their brains to be f***ed with
what does a glass blower use for birth control? his/her personality
what is triple blown and is being sold by an a**hole...
how does a glass blower know how to put on his under wear? easy yellow in the front brown in the back.
how many glass blowers does it take to screw in a light bulb? one if his rotations are tight enough.
why did the glass blower wear two jackets when painting his studio? on the can it said for best results use two coats.
what happens when a glass blower developes Alzheimer? his iq goes up.
glass blowers always take their dates to french restaurants, jaque in the box.

how do you know if a glass blower is retarded? he posts on a thread and forgets to censor the balls. very few people are going to get that one because the glorious post was pulled so quickly

[Borobot]

A wealthy businessman and a poor glass artist were sitting at a bar around the holidays.
The poor glass artist asked the businessman, "what did you buy for your wife these holidays?"
The businessman replied, I bought her a diamond ring, and a new car in case she hates the ring.
The business man then returns the question to the glass artist.
The glass artist said, "I bought her a copy of the Degenerate Art film and made her a custom dildo."
The businessman is now curious and asks, why on earth would you make her a dildo?
The glass artist said, "Well if she doesn't like the Degenerate Art film, then she can go fuck herself!"

[Borobot]

What did all the dubstep glassblowers say when they ran out of dabs?
Man... this music sucks!

[the-thought-police]

How many glassblowers does it take to change a light bulb?

Change it into what?

[Borobot]

How many non-piper glass blowers does it take to have a safety break?

One if no one else is watching!

[Borobot]

What is the difference between a phish fan and a glass blower?

The torch.

[Borobot]

Someone posted a pic of their nuts on here? lol ohh my!:twitch:

[the-thought-police]

What do glassblowers and ass holes have in common?

They both shape shit.

[Dan Kooper]

Q: What do you call a beautiful woman on a glassblowers arm?
A: A tattoo

[the-thought-police]

So this glassblower was just leaving on his way to an important meeting with the president.

Just kidding.

[art vandelay]

Have you heard the one about the intelligent glass blower? Me neither

[the-thought-police]

Glassblower walks into a bar, clocks in, and gets to work. He's got to pay for his habit somehow.

[the-thought-police]

Why did the glassblower cross the road? To get to the bar he works at.

[art vandelay]

Glass blower walks into a bar. He couldn't see it because he was working color without shade 3s

[art vandelay]

Why did the glass blower cross the street? Subway had a help wanted sign up

[harpentuan]

Blowing glass is like having sex. If you don't have any skills, you'd better have a good hand.

[the-thought-police]

Did I ever tell you guys about the time I met the worlds most famous glass blower, Dale Chihuly? He winked at me. I felt so special.

[Jason Lindquist]

I thought this was hysterical "first off . . . the pizza joke, that's my joke. Me. Yeah that's right. 1998 bitches.

(idiots trying to claim things as their own inventions +1 )"



I first heard the pizza joke (except with banjo player instead of glass blower) somewhere on Dead tour. So, on or before July 9th, 1995.

What was that about idiots trying to claim things as their own inventions?

[brads]

I'm the second best glassblower in the world. How do I know? Because every other one I meet thinks he's the best...


(It's only fair that I give that one proper attribution. I originally heard it from Wib Mateyka, who was the glassblower for the chemistry department at the University of Kentucky for many years. After he said it to me, I made him some business cards that said "Wib Mateyka, the Second Best Glassblower in the Entire World". He loved them, lol.)

[hawkglass]

The gassiest friend of a glass blower had a movie that had the same name as him what's his name?

Herrbie

I'm alil late sue tp hunting camp

[RamblezMarblez]

Why is RamblezMarblez making a glass tombstone with all his "best of the best" marbles? Because If you try to copy me, it will take you a WHOLE LIMETIME to make it! lol! <(crazy mad scientist laugh)

[RamblezMarblez]

Partying, Russian Style
A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle that's lying in the street. Suddenly, out of the bottle comes a genie. The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, "Hello Master, I will grant you one wish, anything you want." The Russian begins thinking, "Well, I really like drinking vodka." Finally the Russian says, "I wish to drink vodka whenever I want, so make me pee vodka." The Genie grants him his wish. When the Russian gets home, he gets a glass out of the cupboard and urinates into it. He looks at the glass and it's clear -- it looks like vodka. Then he smells the liquid - it smells like vodka. So he tastes it and it is the best vodka that he has ever tasted. The Russian yells to his wife, "Natasha, Natasha, come quickly." She comes running down the hall, so the Russian takes another glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He tells her to drink and that it is vodka. Natasha is reluctant, but goes ahead and takes a sip. It is the best vodka that she has ever tasted. The two drink and party all night. The next night, the Russian comes home from work and tells his wife to get two glasses out of the cupboard. He proceeds to pee into the two glasses. The result is the same; the vodka is excellent and they drink until the sun comes up. Finally, Friday night comes and the Russian tells his wife to grab one glass from the cupboard and that they will drink vodka. She gets the glass, but asks him why they only need one glass. Boris raises the glass and says, "Because tonight my love, you drink from the bottle."

[aREa541]

What do hot shop workers have in common with gas station attendants?
They are both familiar with glory holes.

What did one glass blower say to the other?
"Eusheen my reamer?"

What did the dab kid ask for at the Thanksgiving table?
"Please pass the Hamm"

What's the hardest part about pushing mushrooms?
Telling your wife that you're gay. (Not that there is anything wrong with that)

When is profit equal to revenue?
When you use glass blower math.


*Oops didn't read the one joke per post rule, sorry! I am a glass blower, not very good with rules!*

[PyroChixRock]

Thank you for all the awesome entries! It will take us a few hours to get the votes in. Check back later tonight for the winners. Good luck everyone! :D

[PyroChixRock]

Don't worry about the rule, it's cool. :)

[RamblezMarblez]

68747

[Riley]

What's harder than soft glass?

Absolutely nothing, now run along and peddle your pipes elsewhere because real artists have work to do.




Shit I think I missed this and I missed the party yesterday too. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MELTING POT!



Ps.


After his prostate exam the soft glass artist visited his buddy the boro worker.
The boro worker asked him, "What's more difficult, getting bent over and prodded, or getting paid properly for commissioned work?"
To which the soft glass artist replied, "The difference is in the tip"

[the-thought-police]

Non glass related.

So this group of friars were late on their belfry payments one month, and to try to make some extra money, they started selling floral arrangements. The people of the town loved buying their flowers from men of god, so this was very popular with everybody except the town florist. He'd always been the town florist, and these friars were taking his business.

He went to their belfry and asked them nicely to stop. Explained to them that this was his livelihood. He was not going to be able to keep making ends meet, if they kept selling flowers.

The friars refused to stop though.

So, the florist hired Hugh McMillan, the roughest toughest guy in town, to go and have a talk with the friars, and if they wouldn't listen to him, to take........other measures.

So, Hugh McMillan went to the belfry, and asked the friars to stop selling flowers. He asked nicely, but they still refused, so he resorted to those "other measures" I'd told you about. After that, the friars never sold flowers again.

And the moral of the story is, only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

[Nicholas Rado]

hahaha i did not see that ending coming.

[paulsafo]

I totally missed the deadline but-

"Reamer?! I just met her!!"

"Stop it! You're KILN me!!"


*looks around shop for more puns*

[paulsafo]

Anneal before me, the shitty pun king

[paulsafo]

You guys remember what happened to the guy who walked away from his torch?

http://tapatalk.imageshack.com/v2/360x360q90/14/11/16/48f3c36d9c6bf7c4ea02516a2531aadb.jpg

http://tapatalk.imageshack.com/v2/360x360q90/14/11/16/3b74e4ee4dbdaec548ccd00963e723ca.jpg

[PyroChixRock]

We don't have enough votes from the staff yet so going to give them til tomorrow to check in. Will announce winners then. Sorry for the delay. :)

[DaveK]

I first heard the pizza joke (except with banjo player instead of glass blower) somewhere on Dead tour. So, on or before July 9th, 1995.

What was that about idiots trying to claim things as their own inventions? I don't know, ask hwcglass
first off . . . the pizza joke, that's my joke. Me. Yeah that's right. 1998 bitches.

(idiots trying to claim things as their own inventions +1 )

(seriously though, my joke)

[Jason Lindquist]

Sorry, DaveK. Didn't see that it was hwcglass that posted that. Thought it was you. My bad.

[DaveK]

No, I just reposted because I thought it was a funny joke.

[Jason Lindquist]

I'm obviously very slow on the uptake.

[PyroChixRock]

We have winners!! :D



what do you call a glassblower whose raging on a CC?

whatever you want he can't hear you




What is the difference between a rock star and a glass blower? Rock stars don't think they are glass blowers.



How many glass blowers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

18.

One to screw in the light bulb.
Four to tell them they to use a GTT light bulb
One to tell them to STFU herbert arnold makes way better light bulbs
Three to tell them it's not the brand of light bulb but the voltage on the line.
Three to start secret facebook groups about how to screw in light bulbs
Six to get offended that they're not invited to those groups and start their own groups....


Q: What do you call a beautiful woman on a glassblowers arm?
A: A tattoo


You all win a gift certificate to MGA! Thank you, MGA! :blowkiss:

68811

Thanks for all the laughs! Guys!! :D

[Mac Maestro]

Well played. 68812

[Dan Kooper]

WOOOOOO HOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Thank you!

[Greymatter Glass]

Horray for stupid variants of old jokes!