do you ever?

[Pilgrim]

do you ever find your self sitting at your bench alone , you cant seem to find the golden path to creativity/ do you find your self thinking about Vango and his depression woundering if you are suffering too? do you find your self holding a sharped knife to your ear? do you .....do you...
then you take your pills and all is better.........right
scottland

[Firekist]

i get to that point, wish i HAD pills, then keep working.
except for that knife bit, and the golden path.. and van Gogh

ok, sometimes i just wish i had pills. then i take a day off.

z--seth

[UmaJulz]

Sounds like you might need a safety break... :chilling: talk a walk and listen to the trees. Actually, about this time of year, yeah, I hear ya. But getting outside into some kind of sunlight, fresh air, new peeps even- that can turn you around for a bit.

And don't forget, sometimes the pill that used to make you happy, just keeps sucking you further down the deep hole. It sucks, but it's true. Happy pills is some fucked up shit.

[WORLD FAMOUS]

I was battling some serious work/anxiety issues a couple of weeks ago and couldn't even work. At all. I'd warm up the shop and then procrastinate all day, every day, for a little over a week straight. Seriously lame. It seems I always have a little funk I have to deal with each winter, and then the rest of the year it's all good!

[Conchis]

According to the old traditions, Friday is the day of Imbolc. That's the day that we are supposed to be able to actually notice that the days are getting longer. We get to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Now we've turned that into something about a groundhog and shadows....but...I hear ya on the winter funk. It's been happening for a few thousand years appartently. After Imbolc, things should get better.

[yinzer]

ha. i havent been able to do anything for 2 weeks. ive been workin alot (drivin pizzas........like nascar) and when i get home im all amped to go. but when i sit at the bench its like 20 minutes and im creatively drained. normally i insult my glass and it fires ideas back at me, but thats not even working!! so yeah, im feelin it.

[ech]

I have been diagnosed with Post Truamatic Stress Disorder. I get all the fun stuff that goes along with it mostly anxiety mixed with depression and a really bad temper. So when its hitting me I just take a day off from the torch and do something else. I also gain a certain amount of inspiration from it too. When I'm angry I make stuff with spikes, when gloomy I tend to use silver colors and let them muddy out a little. When I'm anxiouse I drink decaf and just do prep. When sessional depression hits right before the holidays I shut down for a month if I and give myself a break. When I finally got back to work yesterday after my holiday break I was able to be look at it with a fresh perspective. I tend to do alot of prodo and really plan my artistic designs for a long time after my break I have many really cool ideas. Art evokes emotion so if your feeling something try to make your work express that and make the observer feel it.
I don't like taking pills since they basically kill my creativity and make it impossible to work. A good safety break does me wonders. Good luck.

[misled youth]

i get like that all the time!!! i think the large amount of prodo tends to fry my brain! when i make spoons i dont have to think., after 50,000 of anything
ya dont have to think much.
thats when i start to hate my job. i always tend to stray away and make fun stuff such as, large bub's with 50 sections or vases and such. but them dont pay the bills.
so i usually jushop st stop blowing glass and go remodel something in my house.
or help a fried with a renovation.
by the time i am done i am happy to go back to glass and make some real money.

winter sux!!! i finally have a heater in my shop. first 6 years i froze my ass off everyday "wisconsin".
now i have a wood stove and it keeps the shop at bout 60 degrees.

[gravdigr]

Been there, done that. I never really had problems with depression until last year when my pops died at 53 leaving me to take care of my schizophrenic bipolar mother that does not take her meds. Before long I'll have to see a shrink too. But yeah, when I get depressed the bench just seems to loom over me and I have yet to find something to bring me out of my funk. Talking to my pop in my head helps a little but I think it will be easier once his stone is up since his grave is about 50' from my house I can go talk to him in person (more or less) and that should calm me down.

Sorry if I brought anyone down but I think everyone has their own problems as seen in this thread and everyone is going to have their own method of working through it. I like some of the answers though. Maybe a walk through the snow covered cemetery would help as well. It's really beautiful after a snowfall.

[β]

ya i've made like 5 pendants since after christmas. I'm in a serious glass funk right now. Maybe it's time to synthesize some new happy pills.......

[Chris Carlson]

what else is there but to blow glass!!??? especially in the freezing winter!!

when all else fails...i make spoons.

[dnug42]

well i think its time of year- if we had money we could take a vacation....but alas who got any of that around...but try makin some dillies, thAT MIGHT PROP up your spirits or somtihng like that...hehe...keep it pos...

gravedigr- sorry bout your pops...i feel ya- good luck- bless.
dnug

[PortlandGlassBlowers]

Ive already started to notice the days are getting longer.
And cant wait for spring.

[petto]

Prodo gets me down but now I am full bore in nursing school. Man thats alot of work! I only get in the shop like 3 days a week now so I have to make my time count to pay the bills. Got this summer off (from school) so hope to take some classes and do more fun stuff.

[β]

what else is there but to blow glass!!??? especially in the freezing winter!!

when all else fails...i make spoons.

besides glass there is

Molecular Cell Biology
Molecular Lab
Biochemistry
Immunology/Immunological techniques
Toxicology
Current topics in molecular biology
Worlds of Jazz
working in recombinant expression @ scbt.com trying to save Mr Burns a $100,000 so i can hopefully see $1000 of that.

and planning a fuckin wedding.....arghh........:depressed

[smutboy420]

Ah atleast its not just me then.
lately I haven't been getting much time in the shop. but when I'm not there I want to be in the shop but once I get up there I just end up staring at the glass for ever not knowing what I want to make. Then I end up forcing my self to look at the list of what needs to be done and do it.

Now even with other stuff I have been in a rutt for awhile. I can't do any thing that involves using any kind of a tool latly with out thinking of my dad. then that starts my mind going and I need to go sit down for a bit and pull my self together. I end up going threw this about 3-4 times a day now.

i hope it passes in time or at least becomes less frenquant. Cause as some on that works with tools on a daily basis and some one who likes any kind of a tool no matter what its for.
I can't be having an adversion to tools. Thats just not going to work for me. :-)

[UmaJulz]

Man, is this the week/month of issues floating on the surface? Today's the last day, right?

I'm glad it's not just me, too. I go up to the studio, look at all the beautiful glass, the torches, tools, everything, and practically sit there and cry. *sniff* Are all the people that we've lost recently hanging around the shops or something, watching and waiting for us to Do something? I swear my dad and my brothers are hovering, nudging with the old "you've got so much potential...", "you have the tools, use them" and the ever present critical eye "why didn't you...?"

Sunshine and warm weather. that's the ticket, right? Oh, and a new torch, that'll help too! :)

[Pilgrim]

Wow its really cool to know i am not the only one out there that suffers in the winter, i started this thred sorta as a joke " maybe just to myself" but i am pleased to lean that i am not the only freek out here
i still feel the need to remove an ear..... you got an exstra come on over!
Scottland Fowler, Fred Head Glass...

[gypsea]

fred head glass? is it time to get a gun? or are you spookin the horses?

[newmexicomagma]

i got something thats gets me going in the winter. MY MORTGAGE. hahaha yep thats right everybody r u in a slum, cant seem to get off your butt and work well today and today only i am offering u my mortgage at a great rate, for only 780 dollars a month u can get motivated get to work and above all stay in my house. lol jk but hats been my motivation, i had a lot saved up and was looking to go on vacation then i got robbed, really broke me down, i dont like banks so i keep my money in a safe, any ways they toook my whole safe and a bunch of other stuff ie xbox 360 camcorder ipod blah blah blah but it was a blessing in disguise it really made me realize how much i love my job/blowing glass and that i should keep concentrating on it. now i feel great again, im making 100 wrap and rakes a week and the rest of my time is spen mpracticing my stick stacks and making jewlery for my moms friends. for me its just easier to remember that i dont like working for the man and i am happier being broke and working for myself than i would be with money in my pocket reporting to someone.

[nodice]

do you ever find your self sitting at your bench alone ,.....

Sometimes I feel like I might be depressed, and it's really hard for me to get anything done at work. Having other people at work definately helps me with this. 2-3 benches open in somerville mass(5 mins from boston)......

peace

[UmaJulz]

Yeah, I think having someone else to work with could be a nice nudge, for a little while anyway. Otherwise, I hang out on the board and form virtual friendships to get me motivated.

[Brian Newman]

I get Oxygen for the first time in 3 weeks tomorrow, Hydo bill had to come first.

On the topic of happy pills:

The first of the antipsychotics/antidepressants was chlorpromazine, relased as "Thorazine" in May, 1954 by Smith, Kline, & French. At the time, It was thought of as the chemical equivalent of a lobotomy. Nowadays, not only is it remembered as a breakthrough, it is in use to to this day, and it's stupifying effects are swept under the carpet of fancy words.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chlorpromazine


Here are some statistics for "Prozac", from 1987 to 1995
(Copied out of the May/June 2002 issue of Adbusters Magazine)

Total adverse reaction reports - 35230

Agitation - 1191
Bradycardia - 133
Convulsions - 642
Depression Psychotic - 1205
Ejaculation Abnormal - 281
Fever - 358
Gait Abnormal - 142
Hostility - 999
Insomnia - 1334
Jaundice - 56
Kidney Failure - 51
Labido Decline - 677
Manic Reaction - 553
Nervousness - 1193
Overdose - 768
Pain Abnormal - 394
QT Prolonged - 40
Reactivity Aggravessive - 868
Suicide Attempt - 2248
Thinking Abnormal - 652
Urticaria (Hives) - 595
Vision Abnormal - 201
Withdrawl Syndrome - 329
Yawn - 71

By far the #1 side effect was suicide attempt.

Doctors will speak of a chemical imbalance in the brain, but the only way to test brain chemistry is with a biopsy.:rant:

[Mr. Wonka]

I think most of us take for granted what we do. Consider some of the quotes in this thread:

“I was battling some serious work / anxiety issues a couple of weeks ago and couldn't even work… At all.”

“I haven’t been able to do anything for 2 weeks.”

“A good safety break does me wonders.”

“I get like that all the time!!!”

“I've made like 5 pendants since after Christmas.”

“At least it’s not just me then. Lately I haven't been getting much time in the shop. but when I'm not there I want to be in the shop but once I get up there I just end up staring at the glass for ever not knowing what I want to make.”


If we had “real jobs”, where the hell would we be with this kind of motivation (or lack thereof)? I’ll tell you where… The unemployment and / or welfare line, that’s where. What other job can you get that allows you to work the hours that you want, not work at all for “x” amount of time, get stoned, etc., etc.? I think you’ll find the answer is “NONE”.

If you want some motivation to work, just look around you at the people that have to be someplace every day (straight), answer to a boss, and get shitty pay just to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table. Do you want to be one of those people?

Self employment is not for everyone. It takes discipline, self control, and a good work ethic. If you don’t have those things… or are searching for them… then perhaps you may want to volunteer your time to your favorite charity or organization for a week or two and see what it’s like to have to be on a schedule, and realize that you would probably take home about $225.00 a week (after taxes) for your time. It might make you appreciate what you have and what you do a lot more.

There’s an old saying that goes, “You can’t appreciate water until you’ve been to the desert”. As glass blowers, we are drowning, yet we haven’t been to “the desert” to appreciate how much water we actually have.

Now get to work, light up your torch, and make something nice… and appreciate the fact that you can do it on your own terms and not someone else’s :)

Tom Doner

[Pilgrim]

i think the whole morgage is a great motivator as well. its also a hugh monket on my back............i to would rather be broke then work for the man....
Scottland FHG

[mer]

straight up. sometimes it goes, sometimes....... i can't seem to figure out if this level of depresion is something that people just started to talk about or if it's something that has started to happen in the last ten years. is it the acid or the genetic predisposition. i can't even tell anymore.

oh well....... just keep walking towards the light.

peace, m

[ShttrdSpctrm]

i smoke myself silly, usually competative smokin with the others at the shop. i worked by myself for a long time and would get into a funk, especially after prodo runs for days. but ive been workin at this bigass badass shop of my friends, workin with others around definatly helps keep the inspiration flowin.

[ShttrdSpctrm]

i should clearify , we use mugwort in our pipes. scientific name ,artimesia vulgaris, totally available at any herb store or at your local co-op. ya'll should try it sometime:chilling:

[Zed]

I've definately thought about biting girls ears off, even more so when I thought they might be hookers.

[Brian Newman]

I've definately thought about biting girls ears off, even more so when I thought they might be hookers.

Then again, some may need their happy pills.:bounce

[Udai Hussien]

do you ever find your self sitting at your bench alone , you cant seem to find the golden path to creativity/ do you find your self thinking about Vango and his depression woundering if you are suffering too? do you find your self holding a sharped knife to your ear? do you .....do you...
then you take your pills and all is better.........right
scottland

Vango? that internet subscription movie service? Yeah the movies suck, but I wouldn't consider it depressing.

[jiminyrootkit]

i was havin trouble doin anything at the shop for a while, but my mom, who has a long commute, suggested audiobooks, and whatthefuckdoyaknow, it works!
of course you should get ones you like, and it would help to like to be read to, but i was really suprised at how much it helped to pass the time....
-f
ps. they have a healthy selection on demonoid ;)

[gypsea]

so fowl monkey.....fred head? no?

[Udai Hussien]

-f
ps. they have a healthy selection on demonoid ;)

they have a better, well, quite amazing selection on oINK

[UmaJulz]

Thanks Tom, what you say is definitely true.

I could work for the man, but man, I hate it, hate their schedules, and when you look at the $$ end, that really, really sucks. Of course, DH seems to think that the Man is where it's at, really.

Does anyone else get less motivated by nagging? Like, sinking your heels in even deeper as you contemplate being forced out into the cold, cold world of reality?

I'm still looking for my spark...

[Pilgrim]

its really great knowing im not the only freek out there suffrering from all this shit....... it would seem like the best way to comat this deppression is to work in another shop with other people around interacting with one another. working alone really suck some times
as alot of you may no in on the orgon coast there are no other borro workers in my area... that i know of... so now im faced with going into eugene every couple weeks and work at MerMonkey shop, i cant tell you what a help it is to work in a diffrent place. .... to have some one to laugh with is better then the pills i need to take ........some times........
Scottland, FredHead glass......

[PortlandGlassBlowers]

Well said. Mr Wonka
Well said

[Udai Hussien]

Well said. Mr Wonka
Well said

wonka is the voice of reason in this madhouse of delinquents

[ech]

So I'de like to know where Wonka got his Psychology degree...

[bzzzred]

I wish i had someone to work with. I am in Rockland NY and there is no one around here that i know of. This is why I am thinking of going to Salem Community College. The students were awsome there and were willing to answer all my questions. I suffer from sever anxiety and depression, and being by myself drives me crazy. Even having someone in my basement talking to me while I am working is sooooo much better. I am constantly on different meds and they work for a lilttle while then I got to try something else. I hope that the international Flameworking Conference opens up new doors for me

[gravdigr]

I dunno about depression but there is a genetic link to schizophrenia, and my mom is...well....out there. Who knows, maybe when I get it I'll be more creative. Least with the voices in my head I won't be lonely :D

[nodice]

I know this is an old thread, but I was reading the paper yesterday(doesn't happen often) and I came upon an article about depression. I'm not sure if this is common knowledge or not since I live in my own world most of the time, so I'm just gonna lay it out for you guys since I thought it was very interesting. The article explained how people eat different things then they did in the past, and this might be linked to why there are so many more people with symptoms of depression then there were in the past. The article then linked depression to a high omega 6 fatty acid to omega 3 fatty acid ratio in peoples blood. The long and short of the article was that if you change your food intake so that you have more less omega 6 fatty acids, and/or more omega 3, you could avoid being depressed.

[susheke]

Nodice I wouldn't be suprised to find that article has merit. There are many lifestyle changes we have made in the last centuries and most of them have increased our life span and health. Sure there are definitley bad ones like lack of exercise, food preservatives, and pollution. But have you ever thought that the problems we see often existed before but were killed off before those people could procreate? Or just sort of took care of themselves in less than humane ways? Suicidal people killed themselves and succeeded more often than not when they were isolated in a cabin in the woods with just their family. Schizophrenics probably were killed in self defense. (although they had children since it doesn't tend to show up until your 20s) Mainics were hell to live with.
Ah, just some early morning coffee thoughts....

[wildrokproductions]

come on now!!!! life is so good to us. there are times when being an artist sucks. and how dare our emotions limit creativity or production. but realy be a dreamer and a doer, since day one on the torch I've dreamed up whats gonna happen next. then its just like I sit back and wait for it to happen. everyday my life just seems to get better, but thats why where here isnt it?
i tried meds once but ended up in prison(should have read about zoloft before i took it) but since then i have a new outlook, and live 90% sober. the glass is my new vise.
also , when i do seem to get down, or things just wont work right, thats the clue i need a break. so i head into the mnts or to the lake, or anything that will make me smile. then i meditate!!!! focus on the glass and what can i create in my mind. most nights i fall asleep while creating some new peice in my head, it weird cause i know im alseep when i start hearing music. anyway if your not happy its because you havnt found the right place or path to be happy, so go for it.
the last 2 yrs of my life have been crazy! i was unhappy so i moved. things didnt work out so i spent 1 yr slleping on my in-laws floor,then found a place that didnt work out - and on to the home im at now! in the mean time i never left my torch. i just kept moving forward at all cost. even when i had no home and all my $$$ went to keeping the shop open.
but this is what i do -I am a lampworker. when times get ruff. or when I'm at the top of my game. nothing will change what i do withouta fight.
sorry just got a lil worked up on this subject

[susheke]

Life is what you make it, isn't it? Glad to hear you are doing your best to make yours a happy one wildrok

[dan13]

ya know what makes me happy today-- my brand new mirage that I spent a reeaally long time savin up for is being sent out today. I can not wait. been in m/m hell for too long.:bounce I just hope ups dont mess anything up. keep on smilin. Watch dirty jobs on discovery channel to feel better about yer jobby job. It could be much worse.

[susheke]

Oh man, I have major torch envy!! I want a mirage some day.... definitley worth being bouncy for, lol.

[wildrokproductions]

hell ya!!! workin on getting one myself.
TY-Susheke^^^

[andrew brown]

happy harold turned me on to this one...

if your ever up against a creative wall and dont feel like working, but know you need to heres the best trick

.. get up, walk down to any fast food joint.. the bigger the better mcdonalds works perfect. sit down fill out an application, talk to the manager about how you would be a great asset to the company, and how you are used to roughly $60 and hour.....
(heres where you start to get motivated)
ask what the starting pay is before leaving....

step outside and take a big whif of your clothes.... if you have gotten this far chances are you are already speeding to get tpo to your shop to turn the kiln on.

ive never had to do it.. but just thinking about it gets me right back into work mode pronto...
hope this helps..
andrew

[wildrokproductions]

right on!!!! just the thought is enough for me!!!

[broken glass]

hahahahahahah

you mean you people really would be working at a fast food chain if you didn't blow glass??
hahahahah Thsts Funny.
C'mon man. I would NEVER work at one of those places. And i think it is disrespectfull to fill out an application, talk with managers, if you have no intention of gettin that job. They probably have a bunch of tasks they should be completing for meneal pay. Im sure they DON"T want to hear about your 60 an hour. Don't waste their time.

I think that your job is only as depressing as what you are looking forward to doing after your work is over with. If all you have when the day is done is your work, then you have reason to be depressed. There is more to life than work. Shit , ive got friends on every street that want to stab my back....

[Pilgrim]

I keep telling myself, with the new baby here i dont have time to be depressed.I write messages on the bench to try and motavate me. i call my best budy , because he screwed up even more then me.(he makes me feel sain)...I look at the stack of orders on the filling cabnet that need to be filled ...theres alot of them..
srping is here its helps me alot ...the weather is getting so much nicer here on the beach. and if none of that works i go to another buddy and we get out the samuri swords and go at it(hard wood version) it hurts like hell to be hit with one , buts its a rush i'm not going to give up. and its great exersise and a way to vent some hot gasses. a couple of weeks ago i was reaaly really really pisses at misha for taking away my i/m 's and chatt room so i did alot of sword fighting. Once i pictured her face i was fighting , the stress of it all just melted away.... but my fighting buddy was supper sore for a few weeks and now his eye is all healed up( still black and blue) i will be fighting more and more
its great for depression ...

[Pilgrim]

I didnt mean this as a threatning post in any way , i wrote this as a helpfull way to deal with depression and or anger, in no way was it directed in any persons direction ..... in no way would i ever take a sword to misha,( wood or other.) thank you for all the understanding
i am holding classes on swords down here on the beach... come on down and fight!!!!!!!:) :)

[Pilgrim]

and i wasnt talking about mermonkey, as being more screwed up then me.

[susheke]

happy harold turned me on to this one...

if your ever up against a creative wall and dont feel like working, but know you need to heres the best trick

.. get up, walk down to any fast food joint.. the bigger the better mcdonalds works perfect. sit down fill out an application, talk to the manager about how you would be a great asset to the company, and how you are used to roughly $60 and hour.....
(heres where you start to get motivated)
ask what the starting pay is before leaving....

step outside and take a big whif of your clothes.... if you have gotten this far chances are you are already speeding to get tpo to your shop to turn the kiln on.

ive never had to do it.. but just thinking about it gets me right back into work mode pronto...
hope this helps..
andrew


LOL! Wow, now that would be inspirational.

[Headchange]

Keep on Keepin on brother.. There is no better alternative IMHO

[Snurf]

I just did a one week flush/detox...it raised my spirits ..and felt great.

did you know that your stomach makes 95% of your Endorphens....thats a whole lot of happy juice.....and your stomach is the second largest group of nerves in the body.........flush out all that bread, Dairy, and Meat

[andrew brown]

ummmm wow...... broken glass it was a joke... makin a little light of the situation... jeeeez.

[jane clifton]

This has been a very interesting thread, but have you noticed that the one main theme throughout this that seems to help people the most is when they do something that involves exercise? We as Americans have become very lazy. Hell they don't even have PE in schools anymore, and we wonder why depression has gone rampant. It seems that that is the best pill, get up, get out and get some sunshine, that really will cure anything, no matter what the temperature,
Just my 2 cents.

Jane

[susheke]

I am with you there Jane. My body is gettting old and falling apart so I can't go out for a run like I use to, but exercise is still my savior. I go to the YMCA at least 5 days a week, crank up my ipod and work out. It is a pretty incredible high for me. I never leave in a bad mood and often ideas race around in my head while I'm working out.